the thin line between optimism and delusion...

I love soft drinks

Especially diet coke.  And Dr. Pepper.  I like diet DP and I like regular coke too - but diet coke and regular dr pepper are my fav.  Right now I am drinking a diet coke out of an aluminum can, which is the best way to drink diet coke, and it is seriously increasing my quality of life. 

I had a dream last night that I was in a triathlon of sorts - I had to run and bike and kayak.  Random.  And I didn't train for it.  And right before it started I had to buy a water bottle for the event, and the one I picked out ended up costing $80 - and I almost choked, but I HAD to have the water bottle and I didn't have time to find a cheaper one and I really loved the one I'd picked out.  It was a gray sigg bottle with a carabiner on the top.  I was very concerned I was going to drown during the kayaking part. 

I also dreamed that I had a party at my parents house where we grilled out hamburgers and fed like 50 people.  It was fun, but I didn't know a lot of the people very well, and I hadn't exactly cleared it with my parents that the party was going to be that big, so I was a little nervous. 

But those are just dreams.  The reality is that I'm going to Aspen tomorrow for Allison's wedding!  I am so excited.  There are lots of people I haven't seen in a long time that I'm really looking forward to hanging out with. 

Plus I really miss my mountains! 

I read this article the other day by Judith Warner - and it reminded me of some things I've been thinking of a lot recently.  Namely, how our friends define us.  Take Jessica for instance.  She's a great friend of mine, and when we met - we immediately clicked and wanted to hang out all the time.  I definitely had a big crush on her.  We now live in different cities and I don't see her as much as I would like to - but when another friend says - I hung out with Jessica the other day and I really think she is the funniest person in the world - I take that as a compliment.  Because, well, SHE'S MY FRIEND!  My special friend.  Not that I don't have other equally as special friends, but Jessica thinks I'M FUNNY.  We laugh at each other!  So if someone else thinks she is hilarious, that means I might be sort of hilarious too.  At least when I'm with her.  In addition to taking it as a compliment, I feel like, wow, I'm special to have such a funny and great person as a friend.  And you know what?  The person who told me they think Jessica is hilarious had no intention of boosting my self esteem.  He was just commenting on a fact. 

And I know this can go the other way as well.  I've had friends that I've introduced that served as a catalyst for disaster, where one person was definitely in the wrong.  And I've felt responsible.  For subjecting the victim to such disaster.  Or the friends who meet randomly and find that I'm the mutual friend, and a strong dislike develops between the two people which has nothing to do with me and I find myself trying to convince both sides that the other isn't as terrible as they think.  Which is silly, not everyone has to love everyone else.  Or the friend who just ends up not being a friend at all and stabs you in the back.  That friend makes you question your judgment.  Makes you wonder why you didn't see it, especially if everyone else in your life saw it clearly. 

I think this is also why we take insults to our friends so personally.  I can handle being insulted.  I don't like it, but I can handle it.  But when someone insults or mistreats one of my special friends, it really ticks me off.  And I see how when I've been mistreated, I recover from the slight much quicker than my close friends recover from it. For some reason it is much easier for me to forgive someone for hurting me than for hurting my friend.  I'm not sure exactly how this all relates back to how your friends validate you, but it is just what I have been thinking about lately. 

I hope you all have a spectacular 4th of July - Yay AMERICA!  Let me know if you are going to be in aspen this week!  Wish me luck, it could be a big weekend!  Kisses!

Trav - the guest blogger

My dad Trav, who you might remember from previous posts - is in Ireland.  He is at the Corrymella Community Center as a week long volunteer.  He really likes to learn about the places he visits, and he and his best friend are working at the center for a week then they are biking around for a few days before coming home.  I am going to cut and paste some of his emails.  It is amazing how little I know about Ireland. 

June 23, 2008
just met a visiting RTE television team which has arrived here to interview the Director and film this place.  RTE is Ireland's equivalent to the BBC in England.  Today I am working as the front desk receptionist at the Corrymeela Community Centre, handling the incoming phone calls and visitors, as well as having access to the Centre's computer.  Miserable cold and gale-wind weather conditions yesterday gave way to a bright and sunny day today.  Hopefully I will get away from this desk later today - interesting work and people from all over the world, but its still rather camp-like with Dick Gayle and me staying in a hostel-type room sharing bathrooms down the hall with the 6 other women in our team. It doesn't get dark here until around 11 pm.  

 

There are currently 3 groups staying here, 2 large groups (one from Eastern Europe and one from Northern Ireland), as well as our small volunteer group.  In addition to Dick and me, our Global Volunteers group consists of 2 unmarried ladies in their 70s from California, a retired legal secretary from Chicago now living with her husband in upper Michigan near Canada, a retired English professor from Geo. Washington U. in D.C.,  then there is a young girl 20 from Westport, NY who attends a small college in upstate NY (from our Saratoga trips you may remember the little town of Westport on the west bank of Lake Champlain where the ferry lands from Burlington VT).  Finally, our team leader is a lady,  from Dublin who has a great knowledge of the history and tragedy of the more than 30 years of conflict that has torn Northern Ireland. 

 

I think I finally have a grasp of the situation here, and realize that very few Americans truly understand what has occured in Ireland.  Its far more complicated that just a simple difference in ideas between Catholics and Protestants, but the religious differences supported fierce conflict, killings and terrorism for more than 30 years until a treaty for finalized in 2007.  

Here is a quick condensed history:

IRELAND - the large southern part of the island which reached its independence from the British Crown around 1922 and is now known as the Republic of Ireland.  Its about 85% Catholic, very opposed to control from England, and was actually neutral in World War II like Switzerland.  It has enjoyed an economic boom during the last 15 years and is now the home to many former US firms due to its corporate-friendly tax structure. 

 

NORTHERN IRELAND - this small 6-county part of the island is located at the northern end of the island known as the Ulster area, and unlike Ireland, it is still under English control.  In the 60s this area began a civil rights movement (similar to the black/white civil rights movement we experienced in the US), but it wasn't racial.  The small Protestant majority was English-protected and was always given favoritism with jobs, housing, government representation, etc.  The large Catholic minority was nearly 45% or more of the population, and was always discriminated against.  Protestants had their own towns, schools and got the best jobs, benefits, food and everything.  So this large minority of Catholics started a paramilitary war-like offensive against the English government control. The Protestants then set up their paramilitary groups and all hell broke loose for more than 3 decades (the stories remind you of the KKK after the Civil War).  Thereafter, there were bombings, murders, sabotage of Protestant leaders and any English firms which supported the English effort (like computer firms, aerospace firms, etc).  After the Catholics did their damage the Protetants would retaliate, and things got really bad - dangerous and deadly for many years with many deaths of innocent people.  There are many names that I finally understand like the IRA, the UDA, etc. 

 

I think there is something to be learned by anyone who visits this place, and I wish I could make the Augusta government leaders adopt some of the "peace and reconcilation" techniques which assisted in finally bringing trust and forgiveness to the people with differences in Northern Ireland.  I don't know when I will have internet access again, but I will try to keep feeding you info.  Hope all is well and miss you both.  Take care of your Mother while I am away.  I love you and look forward to getting home. 

 

This place is certainly more significant than I originally thought.  When it opened in the 60s it was visited by Prince Charles, and since that time its visitors have included the Dali Lama, Sister Teresa and many other peace-makers. 

That is what I do, I break things...

On Friday the air conditioner in my car stopped working.  So I took it to my friendly mechanics - hoping that they would tell me that I just needed some Freon or however you spell it.  Turns out my thermostat was broken, so my car didn't know it was overheating.  LUCKILY it didn't overheat for too long and nothing else was damaged. 

I spent the weekend studying for the South Carolina bar, which I'm taking in July.  My biggest concern, besides the obvious problem of having too much material and not enough time or attention to learn it all, is that I have to hand write the exam.  For six hours, two days in a row, I will have to be handwriting essays.  And as of right now I can only handwrite for about 15 minutes before my hand starts to cramp up.  So I'm going to have to write a lot in the next few weeks and teach my hand to write for long periods of time.  Wish me luck. 

Last night we had father's day.  My parents just bought a green egg, so I spent a few hours learning how to adjust the temperature through the opening and closing of the various vents.  I sort of burned the ribs, but I didn't ruin them.  I'll do better next time.  It was fun. 

This morning I got to work and turned my computer on.  And I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And then I called IT.  No answer.  They called me back.  Can't fix it remotely, will put in a ticket for my computer.  Hours later someone comes up to look at it.  Can't fix it.  State computer, county IT guy.  Have to call the state IT and get someone over here to look at it.  But.  Probably broken. 

In the meantime of all this happening, I relocated to the senior judge's office.  He is only around when he has cases to try, so he isn't here this week.  He also never uses his computer anyway.  His office is also totally and completely FREEZING.  Finally I went and got my space heater from my office and plugged it in.  Things were going well.  For ten minutes. 

Then the fuse blew.  Great.  All I can say is that today was not the most productive day of my life. 

And my laptop is broken too.  I swear. 

In other news, did you see the US Open today?  Wow.  I was really hoping Rocco was going to pull it off.  But as Jennifer says - Tiger Woods - stealing the hope and crushing the dreams of other golfers since at least 1997. 

I think I'm going to go for a little run today.  It isn't near as hot, and I'm feeling pretty good. 

perspective

I missed the cutoff to check my bag on my flight this morning by two minutes. Then I threw a fit at the ticket counter begging and crying to have them make an exception. They wouldn't. And the only real consequences are that it cost me an extra $50 and I will get into new york one hour later than expected. Which will make zero difference in my life or even my day. Even so I fumed and stomped around and pouted. My mom, who dropped me off simply turned around and picked me up and we went to popeye's and got a sausage biscuit and a coke then we drove through magnolia cemetary. Magnolia is the old augusta cemetary - mama's grandparents and family are buried there. The magnolias are blooming right now. And the sweltering heat intensified the sweet magnolia infused breeze and the sunshiny shade of those ancient trees helped me get a grip on my frustration. June 5th is the day of Alice's funeral - 28 years ago today - four months before I was born. When I re-entered the airport I watched the families of fort gordon solider's hug their sons/fathers/husbands goodbye at the security gate. Their departure from their loved ones made me even more ashamed by my childish behavior this morning. A group of soliders are currently sitting behind me - and I am shocked, as always, by how young they look. I swear these boys can't be 20 years old. But they appear to be in high spirits and I am impressed by their commitment and sacrifice. Boarding soon - see you soon!

Go Dawgs!

How do you feel about baseball? My favorite things about baseball involve memories of watching the braves on tbs with my grandmother - Mama Two saw EVERY game, sitting out behind my high school during a freak march snowstorm watching my brother play first base,drinking beer in law school at turner field with the skyline of the ATL in lights, and thirsty thursdays in augusta. Beyond that - baseball has me a little lost. In all honesty I have a hard time following sports that I never played, and I find baseball quite boring at times. But I have been captivated by this UGA/Ga Tech baseball game tonight. I mean. We look GOOD! It is always fun to watch your team stomp on a rival. I was planning on going to sleep hours ago. But with baseball - you just never know what can happen. It makes me miss athens in the summertime something fierce. I lived a fourth of my life there. I am not over it yet.

Sunrays and Saturdays

The other day I was sitting under the pergola with my parents in the Adirondack chairs.  My dad wanted to know why the bottom of my feet were so dirty.  My mom told him that the bottom of my feet were always dirty because I never wear shoes. 

My inclination towards barefootedness allows me an extra sensory receptor neglected by most people.  Namely, I know what the ground feels like. 

Briscoe likes me to come out into the backyard with her at night. Grayson will go out into the backyard by himself and take care of things, but Briscoe will sit at the back door until I walk out into the yard with her. In the winter when it is cold I wear my uggs to walk Briscoe, because they are easy to take on and off.  Or I walk out in my sock feet.  I also spend a lot of time in my barefoot dreams robe. 

The nights for uggs and socks are long past.  My robe is still useful, but the day will come soon when it will be too hot even in the morning and the late night for the robe.  The wooden planks on the deck, although too hot to stand still on in the middle of the day, cool quickly when the sun sets and are pleasant to walk across at night. 

The stepping stones through the grass and the concrete parking pad retain the sun's heat much better than the wood and radiate warmth late into the night.  I can tell the difference between a cloudy cooler day and a sunny hot day by the temperature of the concrete.  My feet have been telling me recently that it is getting hotter by the day. 

In other summer related news, I've been swimming a lot.  Since I have had my eyes lasered, swimming is so much more fun.  Briscoe likes to swim too.  She just got her hair cut and dries off quickly. 

Emily and Greg got married this weekend, and I was dog sitting for Kate and Trav, so I thought it was a good idea to invite everyone from the wedding over to their house for a pool after wedding party.  We had a big time and stayed up ENTIRELY too late.  When I went out to the backyard on Sunday morning I found a tie, a tshirt, a sock, the back of a cell phone, and some raybans.  Like I said, we had a big time. 

I am going to New York on Thursday!  Get excited!

Happy Times

Something about Thursday afternoons in the summertime makes me want to sit outside and drink beer. 

Doesn't that sound like fun?

The Consequences of Being a Poser

May is national bike month.  Guess what?  I have a bike.  A pretty cool bike in my opinion.  My parents like to bike, and I convinced my dad to get me a bike when I graduated from law school so I could start riding.  I figured that it would be a good way to hang out with my parents while not actually having to talk to them (haha).  Well, I rode my bike that summer until the stress of the bar exam started to get to me and then I reverted back to what was comfortable - running.

Regardless, I have a pretty shiny bike that works, and has cool stuff like an odometer and a bell and a little bag where you can put stuff like your cell phone.  And I have some bike shorts with the padding in the butt and the elastic around the thighs that cuts off my circulation.  Oh, and I have a great helmet, the kind with the sun visor attached and everything. 

Basically, I look like I ride bikes.  When in actuality, I just sort of pretend.  I ride my bike when someone else prompts me to, a few times a year. 

My parents convinced me to ride in this bike ride with them yesterday.  Now, I should have realized when my dad called me last week to ask me questions about the form he was filling out for the bike ride and asked me what size shirt I wanted that this really wasn't just a for kicks bike ride.  But everyone was adamant that it wasn't a race, so I thought I would be okay. 

And I was okay.  For the first 18.5 miles.  About 15 miles into the ride I made the executive decision that come hell or high water I had to find someone to come pick me up because I was not going to make it back another 18.5 miles.  I knew when I got off that bike, I would not be getting back on that day. 

My mom said - You can't quit!  You have to ride back with us! 

I said - Watch me.  I'm a great quitter.  I know my limits. 

Because my mom goes to spinning class a lot.  I run hills.  These are very, very different things.  Besides, I wanted to be able to walk today. 

In addition to the bike ride being long, the wind was blowing 20 miles an hour.  I'm serious.  And I had forgotten how when you ride your bike, especially if the wind is blowing, you don't realize how much you are sweating.  Things I would remember if I really rode bikes.   

Today I got caught up in something and didn't have time to eat lunch so instead I ate some peanut butter crackers.  I thought I was going to throw up the rest of the afternoon.  It was like a terrible hangover, except I didn't drink anything yesterday.  Finally I realizd that I was horribly dehydrated from the ride. 

I mean, imagine what would have happened if I'd ridden all 37 miles!  My parents made it the whole way.  My mom got a flat tire around mile 30 and I had to take her my bike and switch them out so they could finish.  The flat tire just really reinforced for me how happy I was that I didn't ride back. 

I'm going to sleep so I can wake up and not be hungover from my bike ride anymore.  Sweet dreams!

I'm so proud

Remember a really long time ago when I told y'all about my friends David and Charles and how they started a band called Lady Antebellum?

So, they've gotten kind of famous since the last time I mentioned them. 

And guess what?  They won an American County Music Award for best new group tonight!

I mean.  I'm so happy for them.  David taught me how to listen to the bass guitar through the noise of the band many many many years ago. 

And let me just go ahead and say this was a big night for Georgia, because right before Lady Antebellum won, Sugarland won single of the year for Stay.  Jennifer Nettles was a local legend in Athens when I was in high school and college.  At that time she was in a band called Soul Miners Daughter, and I still listen to their album Sacred and Profane. 

It makes me happy when people make it. 

Holy Cow

Do you exfoliate? 

My goal this summer is to protect my painfully fair skin from any more dangerous sun damage.  In an effort to fit in with society and not look like a scary pale person all summer I purchased a self tanner.  As I was reading the directions, it suggested you exfoliate your skin before applying for best results.  Also, my mom said that most self tanners don't smell great so you want to use them at night and then shower off in the morning. 

Hmm.  I didn't really have any exfoliating skin products.  As such, my self tanner has been sitting on my dresser untouched for over a month. 

Yesterday I was attempting to spend my entire paycheck on sunscreen  at Target (seriously, why is it so freaking expensive?) and I remembered my self tanner.  So I went in search of an exfoliant.  I decided upon Soap and Glory's Flake Away.

While in the shower last night I remembered that I was suppose to be exfoliating, so I jumped out of the shower, grabbed a towel, and dripping water all over my house like a little kid who just got out of the pool and wants a specific toy they forgot I retrieved my flake away exfoliant.   

I followed the directions.  At one point I got a little bit concerned that I was going to end up with red whelps all over my body, since it said I was suppose to scrub until all the little gritty pieces were gone and there was no way that was going to happen.  My hands got all tingly and I can say with full certainty that they are callus free today.   

Well, I got out of the shower and moisturized as the directions instructed and let me just say - it is like I have new skin.  No whelps, no irritation.  It is glorious.   

I wanted to call people and tell them how great this stuff was, but I was a little concerned that maybe everyone has been exfoliating for years and I just didn't know how awesome it could be.  I almost woke Britt up so she could use the stuff this morning and see how awesome it is.  But it was late, and like I said, I thought maybe I might just be out of the loop. 

The only complaint I have is that it smells like almonds.  I use unscented everything so I'm just not used to smelling like much of anything more than soap, and I am hyper sensitive to smells. 

Also, I didn't use it on my face, but I read in the review that it is great for you face, so I'm going to try that next. 

I'll let y'all know how it goes.